SNN- Sandman News Network
Posted: Jun 29, 2011, 4:10 PM
Drop the chips and give me your full attention, Marines!
This is the official first SNN broadcast of the official new site for new and returning members of our glorious band of bullet sponges! As always, I'm the ever-loving Sandman, here with the only news that matters!
Our top stories tonight:
Scientists Unravel the Redds Code: Scientists at a leading university have finally deciphered the legendary 'Redds Code', a cryptic transmission dating back possibly thousands of years. The transmission was first believed to be picked up in World War II by Allied communications officers. Over the decades, the strange, almost incomprehensible radio signal has been studied around the world. However, today it was announced that the cryptic message has finally been decoded. The official translation is as follows: "Guys, seriously, I need more tacos." No word on the implications this message has for mankind, but it is sure to have grim promises for the fast food industry.
'Pax'-il' Now Available Over the Counter: The world's leading therapeutic medication 'Pax'-il has finally been approved for over the counter purchases.Once available only by prescription, the FDA has finally issued a statement endorsing the product's usage and mass production. The medication is considered relatively easy to use. Whenever anxiety begins to overwhelm a patient, they simply remove the sledgehammer shaped tablet from the packaging and bash themselves in the head repeatedly until the anxiety subsides.
We'll be back with the Zombie Joe Weather Report after this message:
Tired of greasy, overcooked hamburgers? Disgustingly undercooked fried chicken? Porcelain-based hibernation inducing Mexican food?
Then come on down to the Craw Shack! We only use the finest-quality ingredients, coupled with our secret coking techniques to create the finest Cajun food on the planet!And remember, kids eat free every Tuesday at the Craw Shack! Free 'Craw-Claw' toys with every kid's meal! Don't forget to 'Radley-size' your order today! And remember, if it ain't Craw, it doesn't belong in your maw!
This is the official first SNN broadcast of the official new site for new and returning members of our glorious band of bullet sponges! As always, I'm the ever-loving Sandman, here with the only news that matters!
Our top stories tonight:
Scientists Unravel the Redds Code: Scientists at a leading university have finally deciphered the legendary 'Redds Code', a cryptic transmission dating back possibly thousands of years. The transmission was first believed to be picked up in World War II by Allied communications officers. Over the decades, the strange, almost incomprehensible radio signal has been studied around the world. However, today it was announced that the cryptic message has finally been decoded. The official translation is as follows: "Guys, seriously, I need more tacos." No word on the implications this message has for mankind, but it is sure to have grim promises for the fast food industry.
'Pax'-il' Now Available Over the Counter: The world's leading therapeutic medication 'Pax'-il has finally been approved for over the counter purchases.Once available only by prescription, the FDA has finally issued a statement endorsing the product's usage and mass production. The medication is considered relatively easy to use. Whenever anxiety begins to overwhelm a patient, they simply remove the sledgehammer shaped tablet from the packaging and bash themselves in the head repeatedly until the anxiety subsides.
We'll be back with the Zombie Joe Weather Report after this message:
Tired of greasy, overcooked hamburgers? Disgustingly undercooked fried chicken? Porcelain-based hibernation inducing Mexican food?
Then come on down to the Craw Shack! We only use the finest-quality ingredients, coupled with our secret coking techniques to create the finest Cajun food on the planet!And remember, kids eat free every Tuesday at the Craw Shack! Free 'Craw-Claw' toys with every kid's meal! Don't forget to 'Radley-size' your order today! And remember, if it ain't Craw, it doesn't belong in your maw!
